11 November 2021

Studying at Jewel: PINKFISH

Plugs galore... but at what cost..?

:star::star: :star:
Jewel, #B1-261
2.30pm - 6.30pm

I realise this is the first ever image of my face on this website. To my fans (or lack thereof), enjoy.

Today, our strategy was to get to Jewel early, have breakfast and lunch at fun toast, then exploit a whole new cafe.

Part 1: FunToast

Study Duration: 9.30am - 2:00pm

When I arrived at funtoast, I was appalled with the number of people dining there. I was unable to get a seat, even at 9am. I found it strange, because it was nowhere near this crowded the last week. I was thinking, damn our posts really be doing numbers for fun toast.. I hope pazzion cafe is still in business.

Mik came later, and noticed a bunch of people wearing blue wristbands all over the place. After a bit of waiting, we managed to get a table all the way in the back. We noticed that most of the other patrons were also wearing these same blue wristbands. A few metres down the corridor, a small crowd started congregating outside the pokeman store…. My nostrils were greeted with a distinct stench of NERD permeating through the air. We did a quick check on the pokemon store fb page and just as we suspected, there was some major trading card release shit going on.



Breakfast was decent, we had the usual kaya toast set. Unfortunately, my egg was not cooked so I got a replacement egg, and just like the previous week, that toast was NOT TOASTY WARM!!!

The table we sat at today had different chairs compared to the last time and they were a bit smaller in the booty real estate department. Mik’s fat ass unfortunately was having none of that and once the place emptied out again, we shifted back to last week’s spot.


Laksa Taopok…

As per usual, my digestive tract failed me so mik had to once again eat on his own. He decided to try the laksa which fun toast labelled "MUST TRY". It was a sham.

This will be my last time heeding the recommendations of troglodytes…

There was really nothing special about the laksa. Soup was decent but nothing to scream home about. It didn't even have any prawns in it, just a ton of fishcake. So if you're here and in the mood for laksa you could do a lot worse, but not really worth the $6 imo.

Jewel’s Garden of Eden

Mik went to go take another of his trademark dumps but found that both the bidet-containing toilets closest to fun toast were occupied. Unwilling to let his butthole settle for any less, he ventured upstairs and found a relatively secluded toilet tucked away near the canopy walk thing…

Garden of Eden


The wonders do not stop here however. Upon entering the toilet, he discovered that every cubicle had a bidet… I heard the faint chorus of angels in the distance. If that weren’t enough, there was actually a second toilet just five metres from this first one, down a short flight of stairs. WHy?

stairs to second toilet

All we know is, this second toilet has got to be the single most underutilised toilet in all of Jewel. So if you’re a clean freak, maybe this is your gateway to public defecation.

Upon hearing of Mik’s findings, my intestines instinctively started rumbling and I knew I had to experience this for myself. I decided to leave my airpods on (playing beach house’s new release) and wow, the experience of listening to beach house while shitting in such a luxurious toilet is ethereal.

I will definitely be patronising this toilet again for my broken mcdonalds ice cream machine dumps.


I definitely had to take a mirror selfie here. It was an experience that I will not forget.

Post fun toast

While we were pretty comfortable staying at fun toast, we know you aren't here to read about the same place over and over again (plus my laptop was dying and electricity hasn't been discovered at fun toast). After a bit of deliberation, we decided to hit Koi on level 1.
But wow... Koi just refuses to be exploited. There was an abundance of plugs, BUT NONE OF THEM WORKED. It's a good thing my dearest friend and idol mik had the foresight to tell me to try out the plugs before ordering anything.
shit stain
What poor maiden gave birth here?

The seats were also revoltingly shit-stained. People be sitting here naked or something?

We immediately made ourselves scarce and walked around aimlessly for a bit. Feeling merciful, we decided to give PINKFISH (mentioned in earlier posts with the shit poke bowls) a shot at redemption.

We thought, well the last time we were there it was pretty ok. Even though in my heart I knew the wifi was going to be shit, Mik insisted that we test our hypothesis again, about the strength of the wifi being somewhat correlated to our depth into the vortex.


Study Duration: 2:30pm - 6.30pm

Really if it weren’t for the fact that Jewel has shit wifi below L1, PINKFISH would actually be a decent place to study. They have young staff, who are obviously not paid enough or trained in chasing cafe exploiters out, plus the place is dotted with plugs.

Their drinks are OK priced. Mik got a milk coffee, while I got an english breakfast ice tea. Both drinks were pretty sub-par. I guess this further solidifies our opinion that the food and drink at PINKFISH is pretty whack. No wonder they got so many plugs…

From the get go, my wifi just did not work at all. For Mik, it somewhat worked, but in the end, the wifi started going nuts again. Seriously. I was tilted and had to rely on my hotspot to work.

The Studying Experience

I would say the good points of studying at PINKFISH are that you can get your own private circular booth with a dedicated charging socket on the side.

The chairs are lush and comfortable, giving the seating experience and air of luxury.

I rather fancy the voluminous seating arrangements. I would imagine this may even come close to the comfort which my ancestors of the Italian renaissance experienced while taking their royal shits.*

*Disclaimer: He has no Italian ancestry whatsoever

As we previously mentioned in our review of Pazzion Cafe, the basement level feels rather claustrophobic due to the low ceiling height and extremely close proximity to the adjacent restaurants. Not to mention, the behemoth of a pillar that sat right beside us, obscuring our view of the vortex almost entirely.

Mik wall

I bet this didn't happen during the renaissance...

PINKFISH did not feel nearly as claustrophobic. Our booth was located in the center of the restaurant space which provided a decent amount of room on all sides. However, once again, our vision was PLAGUED by one of Jewel’s architectural foundations.

Total Damage

Fun Toast

Me: $5.20

Mik: $(5.20 + 6)


Me: $3.90

Mik: $3.90


I will never come to PINKFISH again unless it’s the start of the month because I have 30GBs of 5G, half of which I use at home because of my family’s unfortunate predicament of being subscribted to StarHub (read: starhub has the worst quality wifi in the world). As my good friends all know, I am StarHub’s #1 hater.

I give this place a 2/5 tops.


The lush seats, and the abundance of charging points and relatively affordable beverages make PINKFISH seem perfect for students. While the wi-fi is truly deplorable, my posterior did feel somewhat like the pope. Considering my vast wealth and hence, vast data plan, I shall give the place a 3/5.

Thank You, Cafe Exploiters

We are proud to announce that our Telegram Chanel has amassed a whopping 20 subscribers… From a wide range of nations too. We got supporters from Italy (shoutout to my boys theo and edo) and even the states…

Note: Minus 2 from 22 cause of mik and myself

We want to say a really big thank you for all your support and hope that our content has been of acceptable quality, bringing smiles to your faces ^__^

Stay tuned for more!!